Larson Does Discworld
by Langwurst
Summary: The Discworld sees it's second third, and fourth tourists in the form of Larson, Pierre and Natla. To what end Even I dont know. Only first chapter, doesn't actually contain Discworld yet.


I do not own any of the characters or locations within. If I did own Tomb Raider I would give it to Maria just so she could add "everything" to her list of Tomb Raider stuff, So either way round, I don't own anything. 

Pierre pored over the maps strewn in various heaps about him. He had collected every map in the world of his final destination and yet there was barely a dozen in his crowded office space. He made himself a scotch and sipped it whilst thinking of his plan. There was nothing else to foresee, as much fun as stalling had been he would have to act and soon.  
'Pierre honey, are you coming back to bed?' Smiling he thought that he could wait a little longer.  
'Sure I am Sugar Buns. Here, where did your sister get to'  
'She just went to freshen up, whose Larson'  
'Why do you ask'  
'Well it turns out somebody talks in his sleep.'

Larson blew the smoke from his gun. The last zombie toppled at his feet relinquishing its pretence of life. He stepped over the corpse taking neither pride nor joy in the defeat of the foe. He holstered his still warm weapon, also putting his gun in its pouch. Throwing a few more choice weapons in to the back of his pick-up Larson climbed up into the cab.  
'Grnrgghhh.' Another zombie staggered out into the road ahead of his car. Not pausing hardly blinking Larson kept driving not stopping at the impressive thunk of the car hitting the dead guy. As the car turned the corner being swallowed by what remained of the night a small voice could just be heard.  
'Learn to drive chump!'

Natla filled her nails. She didn't need to nowadays they pretty much never had the chance to grow, resigned to her current fate at the moment she was playing the waiting game; and losing.  
'Jeremy'  
'Yes mahm,' Her butler answered her call appearing as if out of nowhere.  
'How's the world domination thing going'  
'We have but to wait for the appointed hour'  
'Bugger. Do I have any appointments'  
'Madam was pleased to take an audience with your financial investor; however this was to be four days from now. Would mahm appreciate me to bring the appointment forward?' For a second Natla actually entertained the idea.  
'Gods have I got that bored? Fire up the spy network, I'm feeling nosey.' Seconds later she stood in front of a row of consoles. 'Where's Miss Lahr-Dee-Dah'  
'Beijing it would appear'  
'Hah, probably robbing tombs again. Lets go and spoil her plans'  
'It would appear she's visiting relatives'  
'Oh'  
'We're picking up a transmission'  
'What? Oh it's him.' She pressed a few buttons on the console and a couple of voices broke out into the quite room.  
'It's good to hear from you again old friend.' 'Sounds like the French man.' Natla added.  
'You phoned me Pierre, what do you want'  
'I have an… opportunity for you, one which will be beneficial to both of us'  
'I told you Pierre, no yetis'  
'Ha, very funny of you, no this is a very different proposition...'

Larson had been deep in one the twentieth century's masterpieces of literature when he had received the phone call from Pierre.  
'So what's this proposition?' (This wasn't the first time Pierre had propositioned him. Larson was understandably cautious)  
'I have heard of a small community deep in the heart of Canada living in fear of a dark and mysterious creature that lives in a cave there. This would be up your street no'  
'No; yes; wait why do you want to help them out'  
'Always with the suspicion Larson, you assume that I would not do this with out standing to gain myself'  
'Well; yeah'  
'Your cynicism amazes me Larson; their may be a small amount of gold and diamonds that I could take for my troubles and expenses yada yada'  
'Half'  
'Sorry'  
'Does the treasure belong to a deserving person or persons, perhaps some kind of native American tribe'  
'Huh? What? No'  
'Is the gold cursed in a manner that will guarantee unbelievable blood shed or torments uncountable and unpronounceable'  
'Come to think of it, err no'  
'Does my Ma know we're going to go robbing demons'  
'err, what did you say'  
'does my Ma know I'm stealing stuff with you'  
'I didn't tell her'  
'Then I want half'  
'A third'  
'Half'  
'thirty percent'  
'half'  
'forty, sixty'  
'Half'  
'eight tenths'  
'Look Pierre I said half'  
'Okay half'  
'of everything'  
'Okay okay already, I won't screw you over.' (It has to be pointed out that even through to the end of their adventure, Pierre did entertain thoughts of screwing Larson over; or at least…)'So can I count you in'  
'Yeah, alright then'  
'Meet me at the Baie Comeau Airport in two days at noon.' 'How do you spell that'  
'Okay the Inuvik Mike Zubko Airport'  
'Come again'  
'Fine; the Fort Simpson Airport'  
'Three days, noon, The Simpsons'  
'No.. ah whatever close enough.' Larson hung up and eyed his discarded novel. Ah well he figured. He would have to find how Biff and Kipper defeated the dinosaur another time.

Pierre watched his old friend exit the departure gate, a customs officer spotting part of his armory secreted about Larson's person approached the Texan, Larson winked at the female officer who paused in her step flustered, by the time she had recovered her composure Larson was lost in the crowd.  
Pierre grinned at his ex-employees moves going to meet to meet him at the door. 'Enjoy the flight?' Whilst asking Pierre took one of Larson's bags. (It was the smallest and lightest but it's the thought that counts)  
'Wasn't bad, they had the Carebears Movie on'  
'All I got was some twenty year old movie remake'  
'At least some kid didn't steal your peanuts.' Pierre raised an inquisitive eye brow. 'Long story, don't ask'  
'I got an air hostess's number.' Pierre was as always trying to compete with his ex-mercenary 'Hostess'  
'err..yeah. How'd you do'  
'Three, and one of them asked me to join the mile high club'  
'What's that'  
'Dunno, figured it was some kind of kiddies club.' They had reached the parking lot and where climbing up into Larson's car.  
'Larson, you did get here by plane right'  
'Yeah why'  
'We're in your car'  
'Oh yeah, I parked here before I got on the plane'  
'Larson'  
'Yeah'  
'Oh, never mind.'

'We'll have to trek from here, there's no more road.' Pierre looked up from one of his maps.  
'Don't worry it's only half a mile up that track.' The two got out and prepared themselves for the journey. Where as Larson merely took a shotgun and a box of shell to supplement his personal armory, Pierre strapped a massive hiking bag to his back.  
'Thought you said it were only half a mile'  
'What, oh…well you never know what might happen.' They proceeded up the hill to a given value of proceeded. After the first time they got back to the pick-up Larson took over the map reading and they reached the mouth of the cave.  
'Took your sweet time didn't ya?' Sat atop a boulder as nonchalantly as she could manage was Natla 'Pierre, I know you said this demon was evil; but, dhamm'  
'Yeah, everyone's a comedian; now shall we get started already'  
'Hold up. Who implied you where coming'  
'Coming'  
'Somebody mentioned a quest, gold, you know the rest'  
'You've spying on me? Okay I'm a little flattered'  
'Shut up Larson; Now Natla what do you think your doing'  
'I've decided to extend my services to this little expedition'  
'Why'  
'Well you know, there's some gold in it for me. Everybody loves gold...' She looked at the faces of her male companions who clearly weren't buying her story. 'Okay I'm bored alright, It turns out this waiting stuff is really boring…What why are you looking at me like that'  
'Whatever but she gets twenty percent tops'  
'Thirty; don't argue Pierre you know your gonna give in in the end'  
'Whatever; now shall we get this carnival on the road?' Both Larson and Natla made a show of checking loading and cocking weapons.  
'So what you left your gun at the airport'  
'No, I have to do the spell'  
'What spell? Nobody mentioned bloody magic to me'  
'It just calls the demon into the light so you two can kill it.' The three crept slowly into the dark opening; Pierre leading them, started muttering under his breath.  
'Here is it getting cold in here?' With each step the floor was changing from compost grade guano, to frozen packed dirt. With a crunch Pierre took the first step out onto proper snow. And vanished.  
'Hey where...' Larson just had time to recognize the smell of unwashed horse and man mixed with blood and snow before he was falling.

Natla was trying to figure out where her comrades had disappeared to. As she did Frost and snow crept slowly to her expensive boots, too late did she start running. And then there was none.

TBC…MBY


End file.
